Think and Grow Rich Chapter Eight Decision ... My Thoughts

I was reading this chapter at 3:30 in the morning, and was I ever Inspired. I may have grown up not feeling "worthy" for some reason, but I never lacked desire and decisions. Even if I felt inferior, I somehow got my major dreams in life ... In sixth grade I Knew I wanted to be a teacher, and I had that decision and desire with me again in 8th, and again in 12th and in college. What's funny is that 6th grade is my favorite grade to teach ... and 6th grade was a highlight in my own life.

When I got my first job after a year of subbing, I was a PE teacher at a Catholic school. I did a good job and all that, but I wanted to teach in the classroom, and I wasn't Catholic. I wanted out of the PE contract for the next year so I could be in the classroom. I wrote out a pros and cons list for me and to show my parents whom I was still living with. I wanted them to understand. I still have that paper. My mom kept it all those years, and I found it when she died. I don't remember talking to my parents about not returning to the PE job. I just went to the priest and told him my feelings. He smiled and was totally on my side. He told me to follow my heart. My dad didn't like that I did that. He probably thought I was a quitter, but I COULDN'T teach there. I didn't like it! Dad gave me the silent treatment for awhile, but I still knew it was the best decision. And it was My decision. This was in the later 70s when teaching jobs were scarce. I knew I'd find something else, and I did. I taught for two years at a Christian school. Loved it. But, after two years, I knew I'd better get into the public schools and start making some money. I "happened" to run into a principal I subbed for a few years earlier and he told me to apply for a first grade position. I did. I got it. Technically, they should have given it to a tenured teacher who wanted to transfer to that school in that position, but I was given a chance. She filed a grievance and everything, but I still got to stay. My salary doubled right on the spot.

To be honest, I never felt I was a "good enough" teacher ever. EVER ... that is until this past year or two. And I've been doing this for 36 years. That's pretty sad self-talk and self-feelings. I know I worked hard. I went the extra mile, but I felt I was in the wrong job most of my career. Then one day it hit me: I knew that no matter what job I was in, I would feel the same way. I Knew I needed to change something. Don't get me wrong, I had some terrific times and I still have students coming to me on FB and telling me kind things. It wasn't "bad" at all; it was my feelings about my own worthiness that spoiled the fun I could have had more of.

I was always into self-help books. I started reading them the day I graduated from college: How to Win Friends and Influence People was my bible. I even took a Dale Carnegie training. After I took it, I asked if I could be a "helper" for the next one. Way back in the 70s I wanted to influence. My goal has always been to inspire and influence others in a positive way. So, how could I have such self-doubt, yet get so many things I wanted? I must have had some belief inside. When I Knew I wanted it, I went for it.

The best part of my life is when I joined Mentoring for Free and my networking business. What has helped the most is this mastermind group, the movie The Secret, my self-talks that I learned from this group, and training my mind to think happier thoughts about myself. I was always so hard on myself. I'm having a lot more fun now. I'm not so rigid.

I am having such a blast building a fabulous networking team. I have none of those "I'm not worthy" thoughts about this. Absolutely none. This is It for me.  Man, that feels good. When I phase out of teaching and into my business, it's going to be such an easy transition. I finally feel free to Really be Me. Yahoo!

Thank you to everyone for being here. I love how we support one another.

Aloha,

Cindy Manoske

P.S. I'm wearing pajamas to our school Spirit Week Day tomorrow. How fun is that?! Two years ago or even one year ago...no way. Today? Heck yeah!